Thread:Old McDonald/@comment-10733658-20141218235444/@comment-24494906-20141219004920

Two points: Or if you want to, you could also use "sex" instead, because it's unclear if the profile is stating sex or gender.
 * "It is revealed that he was born and was raised as a girl, a fact verified by his official profile." I think "It is revealed that he was born and was raised as a girl, and his official profile states his gender as female." is more accurate ("verified" sounds as if the profile states only states that he was "born and raised as a girl". It's not clear if this is really all the profile is trying to convey.).
 * Strike the "accurately". Also "treatment in the series" might be too strong (because of the profile). Instead, what about "treatment by his colleagues"?

Otherwise, this is fine, so go ahead :)