Thread:Sunou-san/@comment-34223508-20180823204613/@comment-34223508-20180824202844

I don't even know if I wanna talk about writers block or if I want a distraction... Stuff like this leaves my head in a total mess and it gets to me, like sometimes, I can't pin it on something, and then my mind goes to places an and assumes things, and I just want it to stop.

Especially writers block is horrible. I overthink every little shit and it gets me all antsy, I sometimes wish I just had someone there for me who'd cuddle me irl and tell me it'll be all well.

Course, not being a hugger, not being able to rely on parents because I know they'll consider some fuckin' doctor, I don't really have someone like that, nor any real close friends I can rely on.

I sometimes hope that this craving for company, and all the overthinking is actually just some shitty puberty side effect.

Des once told me to deal with my problems quickly, naming mowing grass as a metaphor. If you don't mow it regulary it'll become hard to mow, but some problems are like itches. If you scratch at them instead of ignoring them they get worse. And if most of my problems are writers block and overthinking, it's better to ignore them, and try and block out shit.

And well, yeah, writers block is nasty for me. My mind jumps to conclusions and I'm scared of that. Most of my emotions that come from overthinking are actually just all sort of fears. I don't know how to face them, and it's weird. The overthinking also seems to come cause I really want someone who picks up on these things and takes them away, and at the same time the more fears I get the more I want someone like that, too. I wish I could just deal with this faster, or block it out. I hate this shit, I want it to be all a phase, and I know it is, but some part of me overthinks too much again, and gnaws at me, and I honestly just want it to shut up.

TG ending also left me a bit sad, not only cause I really enjoyed the series, maybe the most out of us all, and the anime, too, but also it's why I can't see you guys anymore. Idk, for me, the chat was like a place to be, with everyone there, it made me feel happy and content just talking to you all, with Sili, and everyone. Now that Plin left, and it's inactive, idk how to say it, I'm just sad, I miss all of you, and the times everyone was in the chat.

I felt like I could actually just be me, and if I did something wrong, I'd get properly scolded and taken care off, my parents just get mad, and I didn't have to hide that I'm a total klutz, people actually gave me advice, like Plin did.

I just really miss that chat. I guess that's another thing I haven't managed to deal with yet, cause me changing my routine of checking the chat, it isn't easy at all.

I'm sorta glad that atleast you and Des still kinda are here, you more than Des, but stil.

I know some people who'd laugh at me getting attached, but to me, this place just is important, as well as TG is.

Sorry for the long message.