Thread:Old McDonald/@comment-24259054-20140320113300/@comment-24494906-20140320211924

I will give you feedback for your summary of chapter 1 soon.

I read your summary of the plot of the prologue on Kaneki's page. I corrected some spelling mistakes and reworded some of the more awkward phrases. I have a number of stylistic points:
 * Keep your sentences shorter. One or two dependent clauses in a sentence are OK, but any more makes your text difficult to read.
 * Be consistent with tenses. At the moment, you switch between past and present tense. That makes it harder to follow your text.
 * Should you decide to use past tense, remember that you have to change the tense in reported speech. (My native language doesn't do that, so I sometimes forget to change the tense. I don't know how Arabic handles this, or whatever your native language is.)
 * I think some parts are too detailed. You should prune more of the less important details. You also do not need to quote the characters literally.
 * On a character's page, you write what one character does or experiences. If some other character does something, but it does not influence the character you are writing about (immediately), you omit it. (This is a soft rule. Perhaps it may influence the character shortly later. Then it could be a good idea to mention it.)

Here are my thoughts on the tenses:
 * I think the plot summaries on most other character pages use past tense currently. Typically, you are taught in school that summaries of stories are to be written in present tense. In the case of the character pages, however, I think they are more akin to biographical events, and biographies are normally written in past tense.
 * Taken from the previous point, I think summaries on chapter pages should be written in present tense.

Currently, we say that a character debuts when we first see the character appear in some panel. However, this rule isn't iron. For example, we see Ayato, Touka's brother, for a short moment in her memories (around chapter 23?), but I wouldn't say that he debuted in that chapter.

On the chapter pages, I would write which characters appear in this chapter, not just the ones that debut in this chapter.

Thanks for your work! It's highly appreciated.